KitchenAid: Not Just for the Betrothed

I posted this article on Facebook earlier, but my rage burns on, so let’s see if we can’t douse it with some more eloquent dissection of why the love for “stand mixers” (aka, a KitchenAid mixer) is not limited to brides.

Yes, that’s an actual point, posited in an actual article, in an actual newspaper.

But one gift is the clear star. The KitchenAid Mixer, that industrious tool beloved by cooks and wannabe chefs everywhere, remains the gift for new brides. […]

But what is it about a hard-working countertop mixer that has some women so transfixed? Is this “keeping up with the Joneses” or is it feminist commentary at its finest.

Hello, precious.

Your answer lies within the question, dear writer*. “Hard-working countertop mixer.” Having grown up in a home with a Black & Decker handheld mixer my mother probably received as a gift when she got married, I know all too well the pain of the handheld. Sure, it’s great for whipping up a meringue. But have you tried making cookie dough with that thing? Once the mixture even begins to think about resembling cookie dough you’re holding onto it for dear life, your little girl arm muscles trying to contain the bucking, unpredictable machine lest the beaters creep up from the bottom of the bowl and cover the whole kitchen with half-blended dough, thus unleashing your mother’s rage and prohibiting you from getting to lick said beaters as a reward for your struggle.

No thanks.

I love the way the house smells when something’s baking in the oven. So back in 2005, I got my KitchenAid mixer for Christmas. As I wrote then (seemingly a lifetime ago), “A husband can die or cheat. A Kitchen Aid is forever.” There was no waiting around on my end until someone put a ring on it. (Thanks, Santa.) It’s a machine that makes it easier and more convenient for me to accomplish a task. That’s it. It’s a means to an end that has become something women AND men can appreciate for it’s aesthetic value as well. Like cars, racehorses, or trophy spouses. (And like all those things, the KitchenAid is worth the financial hit.)

The only “strange” thing in the article is the brides-to-be who covet a KitchenAid because they feel it’s something they need. Not “strange” in the way that it’s uncommon—strange in that some women lose their ever-loving minds when planning their nuptials. If you don’t want a KitchenAid, don’t waste poor old Aunt Gert’s money on one. And if you get one anyway, donate it to a single lady or bride of lesser means who wants to keep her husband/wife happy with cookies and bread for years to come.

*Or her editors. Girl, I know.
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Filed under Food, Journalism, Life, Pop culture

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