General Petraeus Malaise

I just can’t get worked up about this whole David Petraeus affair.

Believe me, I’ve tried. I love concerning myself with problems that are not my own. The Internet has provided me with flow charts and cutesy videos and Srs Journalism is reporting as fast as it can on all the additional new characters to the drama. Once I heard Petraeus was carrying on with his biographer, I immediately (and completely inexplicably) remembered her appearance on the Daily Show in January. I’m familiar with the players. It’s a delicious scandal.

But it’s been done to death.

You know the story. Powerful married man meets beautiful, successful, young woman. Young woman fawns over him. Woman and man start “working on a biography.” Their secret gets out and boom, woman is back on Jon Stewart. And not in a good way.

Gary Hart on the Monkey Business happened back in the 1980s. We’ve had so much sex scandal innovation since then. Bring me the up-and-coming politician who sent pictures of his penis straining against his boxer briefs to random Twitter followers and denies it. Let’s not forget about “wide stance.” If you’re going to be stupid, give me a signature phrase or use a new technology to innovate the sex scandal. (I can’t wait to see the first Pinterest scandal.)

I don’t want to make light of the pain Broadwell’s husband and children and Mrs. Petraeus are going through. But this doesn’t seem like a man who abused his political power to sleep with a beautiful woman. It seems like a collection of very smart people who did a lot of very stupid things in the most boring way possible.

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